


back to you

by xuxicentric



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M, Romance, but jae doesnt cheat on taeyong i swear lol, idk - Freeform, me trying to be sad or smth, uh idk what to tag this mess anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 00:15:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20921000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xuxicentric/pseuds/xuxicentric
Summary: He thinks Jaehyun's better off without him, so Taeyong takes a big step and breaks things off with the only person he's ever loved like that. But when Jaehyun calls, Taeyong doesn't even hesitate to run back to him.





	back to you

**Author's Note:**

> hello, this is a mess i guess. it's primarily inspired by superm's no manners (i think, that's what i aimed for lol) and charlie puth's cheating on you
> 
> i tried to write angst. i tried. lmao. guess jaeyong will never let me write a sad ending ever again. :<

_“Hyung.”_

Taeyong inhales heavily for a moment before responding to the other line.

“Jaehyun.”

The man on the other end doesn’t reply instantly. Instead, Taeyong hears muffled sounds of what seems like Jaehyun trying his best not to sob while he’s on the line with Taeyong.

“Jaehyun, I’m pretty busy—”

_“Hyung, I miss you.”_

It doesn’t take Taeyong a second before he decides to run back to the only man he’s ever loved again.

* * *

Jaehyun was his first everything.

Not first relationship, though. Taeyong remembers Jaehyun whining about that. But if one would ask Taeyong, he’d say Jaehyun was his first everything.

“My relationship with him is my first real one.” Is what he’d always say. And frankly, Jaehyun likes that answer.

A year ago, Jaehyun was everything good. Jaehyun became the person Taeyong never thought of having. Jaehyun took care of him; always had his eyes on Taeyong everywhere, everytime just to make sure he was okay, patted his thighs when he would get flustered or embarrassed, held his hand in discreet moments just to assure Taeyong that he was beside him, that he’d never leave him, kissed every inch of his skin so Taeyong would know how much Jaehyun adored every bit and piece of him, and made love to him in ways Taeyong has never even imagined of doing.

Jaehyun was so good to him that Taeyong would spend a minute of his everyday just thanking the wind for sending Jaehyun into his way, hoping his words would reach whoever blessed him with the man he thought he’d spend forever with.

_“Jaehyun_.”

Taeyong tries to flush out the memories from eight months ago that started to resurface.

_“Jaehyun.”_

_“Yes, hyung.”_

Only Taeyong would know how much he loved him.

_“Let’s break up.”_

He can still hear Jaehyun’s cries from that afternoon.

* * *

It started roughly a year ago.

Taeyong was too preoccupied with creating music, with writing lyrics, with keeping the group intact, with managing his schedules, to making sure his personal life doesn’t crumble down that he’s started to neglect a huge part of his life he’d somehow forgotten to give time to.

“Are you busy, Tae?” Jaehyun would ask, almost everyday.

“Yes, baby. I’m sorry. Let’s talk later, hm?” Was what Taeyong would answer everyday, too.

He never thought he was pushing Jaehyun aside. No, Taeyong thought he and Jaehyun were doing quite fine. In fact, Taeyong felt that their relationship was stable. Until he started to notice Jaehyun’s absence.

No more ‘are you busy?’ No more texts. No more calls.

He never saw it coming, to be honest. That he’d ever feel insecure of another person because of Jaehyun, but when he saw Kang Yuna for the first time, Taeyong felt like his whole world fell apart.

He sees her for the first time in the quaint coffee shop near their dorms, a place that houses Taeyong’s favorite slice of cheesecake. He and Jaehyun would usually order pastries and cakes to-go, enjoying the sweets inside the comfort of their dorms for privacy. It used to be their thing, talking and giggling about whatever’s under the sun while they savor on some sweet dish and a cup of something iced. It used to be something he’d enjoy with Jaehyun, only with Jaehyun, and it used to be something only Jaehyun enjoyed with him, too.

He sees Jaehyun, _his Jaehyun, _with a woman Taeyong doesn’t know of, laughing with her with his smile reaching his eyes, and Taeyong feels a pull in his chest.

But of course, he ignores it that time. Probably just an old friend, he thinks.

He shouldn’t have ignored it.

* * *

Taeyong has cried inside the studio a lot of times now, as far he could remember. But he’s never cried because of Jaehyun before. No, Jaehyun could never make him cry.

_Wrong._

Taeyong kneels on the floor, clutching his chest because of the immense pain he’s feeling in his heart right now. He’s trying to stop, he needs to get work done because that way, he can come home to Jaehyun faster. He wants the pain to stop.

He wants his thoughts to stop, too.

_Jaehyun doesn’t care anymore, Taeyong._

Taeyong tries to block the voices out by covering his ears.

_Jaehyun doesn’t want you anymore._

He fails, and the pain hits his chest harder and the voices are starting to get louder.

_He doesn’t love you anymore, Taeyong._

Taeyong weeps as he watches the clock strike midnight with nothing from Jaehyun.

_ He forgot you, Taeyong._

Jaehyun just missed their second-year anniversary.

* * *

“Jaehyun.”

Taeyong doesn’t hear anything from the other end.

“Jaehyun.”

“Yes, hyung?”

_He called you hyung in private again._

“Let’s break up.”

He ends the call as soon as he lets the words come out from his mouth. It’s sickening how he’s thinking of calling Jaehyun back to tell him it’s a fucking prank, it’s disgusting how Taeyong thinks he can still make Jaehyun happy when a whole part of him knows the other will be happier without him. It’s repulsive for Taeyong to think Jaehyun would even beg him not to break up with him that he expects even for a little an incoming call from the other.

A call never comes through.

Instead, Taeyong hears a rattle from the door of the studio.

“Taeyong. I know you’re in there.”

He stays still, hoping Jaehyun would get the hint and just leave.

“Taeyongie.”

Taeyong clutches the arm rest, restraining himself from unlocking the door to take Jaehyun back.

“Why?”

Jaehyun’s voice comes out a little lighter.

“Is it because I forgot? Taeyong, I’ll be better. I promise. I’m sorry. Taeyong, please don’t leave me.”

Taeyong muffles his sobs.

“Baby please…I love you.”

He stays seated, even though he’s one thought away from opening the door.

“I’m counting to ten. If you don’t go out, it means you don’t love me anymore.”

_10…9…8…_

Taeyong counts with Jaehyun in his mind.

“3…2…”

“2,” He hears Jaehyun’s voice falter, tone a little more desperate.

“2…”

”Taeyong-ah, I can’t seem to move on from the number two. Will you come out and help me out?” 

Taeyong gets up and takes a step. And a step. And a step.

“I love you, Taeyong.”

Another step. He doesn’t hear anything from outside anymore.

Taeyong opens the door and doesn’t see anyone.

* * *

After breaking up, Taeyong hasn’t had the chance to talk to Jaehyun any more than ten seconds. They’d be civil, of course they need to be. If they didn’t, their jobs wouldn’t be the only ones affected, They’d stick with curt nods, a faint _good job_ addressed to everyone, and light grazing of skin when they inevitably come too close to each other.

He’s quite okay with the setup, to be honest. Taeyong is contented to watch Jaehyun from afar all the time, avoiding situations where he might get too close to him again but enough to know how he is and how he’s coping.

Taeyong is relieved when he sees Jaehyun smiling more than usual the past few days. He tells himself he doesn’t need to know the reason why, just the fact that Jaehyun’s okay now is more than enough for him.

But when he _assumes_ why, the pain inside Taeyong resurfaces.

“Hey guys, this is Yuna.” He hears Jaehyun introduce her to the others one night after a concert in Japan.

Jaehyun tells them about her, about how they met in a library when Jaehyun was finding something to read sometime in a late November night. He shares how Yuna had the same taste in music as his, how they’d meet each other coincidentally and just hang out to eat afterwards because they don’t really have anything to do.

_Maybe he was with her that day._

Yuna leaves, and the members are kind enough to not ask Taeyong if he knows her. He’s been quietly sitting down in front of the mirror, feet away from them a while ago wearing his airpods, but nothing is playing. He just listens to Jaehyun’s stories about her.

_She’s good for him_. Taeyong decides.

So when they arrive home, when everybody else is locked in their own rooms trying to catch up on sleep, Taeyong sits at the kitchen counter, drowning on his own thoughts again.

“Didn’t know you were still awake.” Jaehyun nods at him and goes straight to the fridge, getting himself a glass of water.

“Couldn’t sleep. I don’t feel like writing anything, too.”

The other doesn’t say anything in return. Probably because they’re still rather awkward around each other. Taeyong doesn’t want that, though. He wants to at least rekindle his relationship with Jaehyun. For the group. For everyone else’s sake.

“You and Yuna look good together.”

Taeyong feels his heart drop while uttering those dishonest words.

“Have you asked her out yet, Jae?”

He feels uncomfortable using his nickname for Jaehyun, but he goes along with it, thinking it might help clear out the heavy air surrounding them.

Taeyong doesn’t want to look at Jaehyun directly, so he averts his gaze to his hands instead and sees Jaehyun clutching the glass tightly that a little more force on it would cause it to break.

“Do you want me to?” Jaehyun mumbles.

“She’s good for you.”

Jaehyun puts the glass down aggressively and walks out of the kitchen.

The next day, Taeyong gets the news.

“Have you heard, Taeyong-ah? Jaehyun just asked Yuna out.”

* * *

The first time Jaehyun calls him after he’s found someone else, Taeyong hesitates.

He shakily picks his phone up and answers, thinking it might be an emergency if Jaehyun were to call him.

_“Hyung. Taeyong hyung.”_ Jaehyun breathes out.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Please come and get me.”

He doesn’t know what to do. As far as he’s aware, Jaehyun’s supposed to be out with Yuna for their hundredth day. It’s nine in the evening, too early for Jaehyun to leave his girlfriend alone.

Taeyong goes to him anyway, brushing off questions in his mind.

_Why would he call me? Could he not reach Johnny? Or Yuta? Doyoung?_

_Why did he sound tense? Is Yuna with him?_

He gets off the taxi and sees Jaehyun standing nervously outside the building where the studio he’s usually at is in. Taeyong jogs over and places a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder, catching the latter’s attention.

“Jaehyun? What are you doing here?”

“I thought you’d be here. They said you didn’t come.”

“Jaehyun, where is Yuna? Weren’t you with her?”

Jaehyun takes a step closer towards him, closing the gap between them.

“J-jae…” Taeyong stutters.

“I kissed her, Taeyong.”

Taeyong looks away, hoping Jaehyun wouldn’t see the tears forming in his eyes

“I kissed her and it wasn’t the same.”

Jaehyun places a hand on Taeyong’s cheek. Taeyong looks at him again.

“It wasn’t the same as what?” He knows. Of course he knows what Jaehyun’s talking about.

“As this.” He locks his lips with Jaehyun for the first time after breaking up.

He lets Jaehyun unbuckle his belt.

He moans Jaehyun’s name over and over again that night.

And he knows it’s wrong. Not when Jaehyun’s with another.

But Taeyong promises himself it’s only for one night. One last night.

* * *

It doesn’t happen again. They don’t talk about it. But anyone who ever sees them together would know something is between the two. It wasn’t the same as how it was after they broke up; back then, when they crossed paths, they would only go the other way so casually, now, it involved a slight linger in each other’s gaze before they’d finally make way.

Back then, casual touches were not a problem. They looked like strangers who just had to accept the fact that they’d be in each other’s presence when needed. Now, a touch would mean a flinch from the two of them.

Back then, neither of them were at the brink of breaking down again in front of the other, wanting to ask how it was so easy to give up or find someone else.

Now, that was all they could think of doing.

But neither of them really did anything. For Taeyong, he just thinks Jaehyun had missed the feeling of being with him that’s why that happened, and that Jaehyun has completely moved on from him because he could see how the other adored Yuna so much.

So when Jaehyun calls him again after two months when it happened, Taeyong doesn’t answer the first time. He thinks the other would call someone else if he doesn’t pick up, but another call from Jaehyun comes through. He ignores it until the fifth time his phone buzzes, deciding to just get things over with whatever Jaehyun needs.

_“Hyung.”_

Taeyong inhales heavily for a moment before responding to the other line.

“Jaehyun.”

The man on the other end doesn’t reply instantly. Instead, Taeyong hears muffled sounds of what seems like Jaehyun trying his best not to sob while he’s on the line with Taeyong.

“Jaehyun, I’m pretty busy—”

_“Hyung, I miss you.”_

It doesn’t take Taeyong a second before he decides to run back to the only man he’s ever loved again.

* * *

He finds Jaehyun alone inside their dorm, sitting by the kitchen counter with a glass of water in front of him.

“Where are the others?” Taeyong looks around, hoping to see any sign of the rest of the group around.

“They went out.”

Taeyong thinks this won’t end well.

“Do you remember that night when we first talked to each other for longer than a minute?” Jaehyun says out of nowhere, but he doesn’t look at Taeyong. He fixes his gaze on the glass on top of the counter.

He nods in reply and doesn’t say anything, a little apprehensive of Jaehyun and his mood right now. He’s quite sure the latter has been crying, eyes still swollen and lips a little pale. God, he wonders what happened to him.

“That night…you told me to ask her out.”

“Jaehyun.” Taeyong calls for him, scared of what Jaehyun would say next.

“And I did, because you told me to.”

He bites his lip, hoping the tears that were threatening to fall wouldn’t, but Jaehyun’s next words crashed his whole being.

“Why is it so easy for you to let me go, Taeyong?”

Jaehyun’s voice comes out shaking. He breathes in for a few moments before continuing, knowing Taeyong won’t be saying anything anytime soon.

“The night you broke up with me, did you know I just came back from my house then? I had something great to tell you, but when you called me something was off from your voice and I just—I knew what was coming. We were in a difficult situation that time, and I thought convincing my mom to finally meet you would patch us back up but you broke up with me. You didn’t open the door for me even if I was begging from outside your door.”

_You’re wrong, I did open the door. I was just too late._

“I didn’t even hear you cry. Was it that easy to let me go, Taeyong? It didn’t even make you shed a tear?”

_I didn’t want to let you hear me._

“I fucked up, okay? I forgot our anniversary, I wasn’t calling you as often as I used to, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I felt that it was unfair. That if I wouldn’t text you, if I wouldn’t reach out you wouldn’t either. It wasn’t supposed to work out that way, Taeyong. You were busy, I know. And I was probably the last thing on your mind but I wanted your attention, too.”

_I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Jaehyun._

“I met Yuna when we were still together. We were just friends, honestly. She was even the one who suggested I convince my mom to meet you. And after we broke up, she was there for me, but I never showed any interest on her, not even when she started to. But when you told me to, Taeyong, I was so mad. Mad enough to actually follow your stupid suggestion even if my heart still completely belonged to you. But she’s not you. No one will ever be you. And you know what fucking sucks? When I broke up with her, I cried, not because I hurt an amazing girl who didn’t deserved to be used, but because I realized you still wouldn’t come back to me even she’s not in the fucking picture anymore.”

_I’m sorry. I love you, Jae. I’m sorry._

Jaehyun sat still, burying his face on his hands while Taeyong looked at him, tears still falling from his eyes.

“Did you ever even love me, Taeyong?”

It took that one question for Taeyong to completely give up his strong façade, legs falling weak as he kneels to the floor for Jaehyun to see.

Jaehyun feels a stab on his chest seeing Taeyong fall to the ground. He runs to him and levels with Taeyong, cupping the older’s face that’s wet with tears.

“I’m sorry, Jaehyunnie.” Taeyong encircles his arms around Jaehyun’s neck and pulls the other closer, burying his face on Jaehyun’s skin. “I’m sorry.”

“Tae…shh. Baby, look at me. Hey,” Jaehyun pulls Taeyong away for a moment, hoping to get his attention. “Yong.”

“I was scared.” Taeyong began to ramble. “That I wasn’t what you deserved. I kept having these thoughts that I kept you from meeting someone who deserved you and made you happy. When you forgot, I-I just lost it. I thought you’d be better off without me and I did you a favor. I thought you got tired of me.”

He feels a pair of lips on his cheek, kissing away his tears. “I was. So tired, Tae. But we told each other that it was okay to rest, right? So I did. But I would never leave you.”

Taeyong closes the gap between them again, not wanting to let go of Jaehyun. “I love you. I never stopped loving you. I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt how much I loved you.”

They sit in silence in each other’s arms, both scared of saying anything to ruin the momentum they have. But they know they’d have to clear things out eventually.

“Should we try again?” Jaehyun asks, a trail of fear hinting on his voice.

“I’m scared.” Taeyong admits, but he doesn’t let go of Jaehyun. He’s more scared of letting Jaehyun go.

“I am too.”

“What if I fuck things up again, Jaehyun?”

“What if _we_, Yong.” Jaehyun corrects him. “Then we’ll try again. We’ll keep on trying until it works.”

“Won’t you get tired?”

“We’ll rest. And then we find our way back to each other. That sound good?”

Taeyong nods, sinking further into Jaehyun’s embrace. For the first time in a while, he feels at peace.

“I love you, Jaehyun. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“I won’t.” Jaehyun kisses him softly before smiling. “I love you, don’t forget that.”


End file.
